A sHiFtInG mOmEnT

     "I am Alice and I am embracing my Destiny."
     Saying it out loud made it real. I looked around to enjoy the sights and smells that were taunting me. The air snapped like a whip as it pulled at my long dark hair. It blew snowy ash all around me, dusting everything that used to be green and alive under layers of it. Under the smell of the recent fire, I could smell the sent of my home. It was everywhere, begging me to change my mind -pleading with me to stay here in the wild mountains of Colorado forever. The rising sun peaked out from behind the San Juan mountains, its warmth licking at my face; a new start -a fresh day if I just stayed nestled in the meadow and helped to regrow the beautiful flowers and grass that at one time would have surrounded me. The sounds of a shallow stream to my right, as it gurgled on to meet the lake at my feet, called to me, reminding me of happier times. I closed my eyes so I would no longer see this place; my meadow. Even if my eyes were shut to it, my eyes heard, my nose smelt, and my heart felt it still.
      The longer I stood there on the large moss-covered boulder at the edge of the lake, I began to hear and see a different message. I remembered when it wasn't dead and burnt to a crisp, but instead: fresh and alive and teeming with wildlife. It seemed that the first rays of sunshine were now an offer of hope, promising a warm feeling of comfort and peace. The stream bubbled a thank you to me for all the secretes I had shared at its banks. The smells of home (under the recent death the fire brought with it) seemed to slow the rapid pace of my heart, and even though my choice hadn't changed I felt my confidence growing, knowing this was the right decision. Even the wind that whipped my hair across my face no longer felt as if it was trying to tether me to the meadow. No, now it felt as if it were a gentle caress of an old friend saying goodbye for the final time.
       As I stepped off of that rock, I saw the new budding growth of a flower at my feet. It grew in the most unlikely of locations; pushing its way up through the rocks at the lake's edge. The sun's light was blocked and it seemed to be growing through sheer force of will. Nothing I could do would ensure its success, but as I crouched down to examine its new life, it gave me the final push I needed to solidify my choice. If this small flower could change its fate by overcoming the dire circumstances laid before it, then I too would trust that by doing my part, everything would work out for the best. My friends and family would be okay. I was doing this for them; for their futures -so they would have futures.
       I took comfort from the only home I'd ever known and that one seemingly insignificant flower. I turned my back on my past. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done but I knew it was crucial to the survival of everything and everyone I'd ever known.
        For them, I would walk away to my Fate -my death -willingly.
                                       And I wouldn't look back.